Surviving the Holidays: 3 Proven Strategies to Reduce Stress, Set Boundaries, and Find Joy
Happy Thanksgiving! Today is a day to celebrate
gratitude, connection, and good food, but it can
also bring its own challenges 🦃
‘Tis the season to be jolly! But is it, though?
Don’t get me wrong—I love the food this time of year. So savory. The other parts of the holidays? Less so. According to the American Psychological Association, 89% of U.S. adults report that financial pressures, missing loved ones, and anticipating family conflicts cause stress during the holiday season.
Tis the season, indeed.
As someone who suffers from depression in general and is prone to seasonal depression in particular, I thought it was fitting to address the anxious elephant in the room.
While these times are meant for thankfulness and merriment, for many, they also bring a mix of other feelings:
Unearthing trauma
Rekindling old grievances
Engaging with challenging family dynamics
If you’re feeling all or some of this, you are not alone. But what can you do?
How do you keep your sanity?
How do you stay productive?
How do you keep moving forward?
In this article, I’ll share three critical strategies that have not only helped me survive the holidays but also enjoy them.
1. Lean Hard Into Gratitude
It may sound cliché, but gratitude is the ultimate antidote to depression and anxiety. When you focus on gratitude, you shift your attention to the positive. This isn’t about putting on rose-colored glasses—it’s about training your mind to recognize and appreciate the good, even in difficult times.
Gratitude provides perspective and helps those around you feel valued. But there’s more to it than just good vibes; there are biological benefits, too.
The Science Behind Gratitude
Dopamine: Released during pleasurable experiences (like sharing gratitude), dopamine motivates you to repeat those behaviors. It also improves memory, boosts your immune system, and promotes feelings of well-being.
Serotonin: Essential for mood regulation, serotonin also influences sleep-wake cycles through melatonin production, improves cognition, and even supports bone health and physical healing.
Recommended Practice:
Keep a dry-erase marker in your bathroom.
Each morning, write down three things or people from the day before that you’re grateful for.
Think of one person to whom you can express gratitude that day. Gratitude felt but not shared is like cooking a meal but not serving it!
Gratitude promotes healing for your mind, body, and soul. It decreases toxic feelings like jealousy, resentment, shame, or regret, making you less likely to dwell on the past or compare yourself to others.
2. Establish Clear and Firm Boundaries
The holidays often come with real and perceived obligations that intensify stress. The worst part? We do it to ourselves.
Family comes to town, and suddenly, we feel compelled to:
Host them in our homes
Deep clean the house
Cook elaborate meals
Entertain them nonstop
Let’s be clear: You don’t have to do any of that. If you enjoy it, great—go for it! But if it’s overwhelming, prioritize taking care of yourself first.
The Stress Response
Stress activates your fight-or-flight response, which can cause physical symptoms like sweating, muscle tension, and a noticeable change in tone and behavior. It can even create a tense atmosphere that others pick up on.
Setting Boundaries
Before the holidays, assess where you feel compelled to overextend yourself. Then, set boundaries:
Self-boundaries:
Example: “I will clean the bathrooms and kitchen but will not shampoo the carpet.”
Example: “I will still go to the gym three days this week and let guests plan their own activities while I’m away.”
Boundaries with others:
Identify habitual line-steppers in your life.
Communicate your boundaries clearly.
Acknowledge good intent: “I know you’re trying to help when you [insert behavior].”
State the impact: “But when you [insert behavior], I feel [insert emotion].”
Offer an alternative: “Next time, I’d appreciate it if you [insert action].”
Hold them to the boundary. If not addressed, crossed boundaries will become new norms.
3. Prioritize Fun
Fun isn’t just a luxury—it’s a necessity. Prioritize activities you find enjoyable, whether they’re solo or with others. Fun releases dopamine and endorphins, which improve your mood, reduce stress, and promote better sleep.
For overthinkers, engaging in fun activities forces your brain into the present moment, pulling you out of worry-land.
Recommended Practice:
Identify an activity just for you.
Communicate your plans to everyone involved.
Do it unapologetically.
Wrapping It Up
Take care of yourself first so you can be your best self for those around you. The holidays can be wonderful, but they’ll be more wonderful and less stressful if you:
Lean into gratitude
Set good boundaries
Prioritize fun
With all the stoke and gratitude,
Wes
Bonus Tip: Need help? Ask for it. Therapy has been invaluable to me and has helped me accomplish more than I ever dreamed possible. I recommend therapy even if you don’t think you “need” it. Our brains are wonderfully complex—and sometimes, a little help goes a long way.
